A close family relative visited last weekend, bawling her eyes out and ranting about how she tried everything to achieve the life she had carefully planned, dreamed of, and mapped out since she was a neophyte in college. She envisioned graduating with high honors, building a fruitful career in advertising, getting married, having two kids, enrolling them in the best schools and universities, traveling the world, living a luxurious life—the works.
Now, at 63 years old and nearing retirement, she remains with a husband who has never provided for the family. Her daughter, whom she still supports, got married in her teens to a tambay husband who reeks of alcohol each morning and spends more time gambling, womanizing, gallivanting, and drinking with his buddies.
She blurted out, “What do I do? I’m nearing retirement, and none of my plans have worked out! Everything is a big mess! There’s nothing left for me to look forward to! What did I do wrong to deserve this?” She continued to cry her heart out on my black velvet sofa in the living room.
As I consoled her, I found myself deep in thought. “That is a reflective and contemplative question,” I mused, “one that demands positivity amidst the darkness that has already enveloped her sorry state—lest I make her feel even more miserable than she already is.”
So there I was, forming a quiet monologue in my head, carefully choosing my words, hoping to knock even an iota of sense into her and calm her down.
“Ga” (short for pangga, a term of endearment I use for someone very close to me), “don’t be too hard on yourself. That’s just how life is. At 63, you’ve already lived a life filled with experiences. Age brings wisdom, perspective, and a deeper understanding of life’s challenges. There’s no such thing as a perfect life.”
Perched on the one-seater velvet sofa across from her, this life-battered and toughened soul (myself) endeavored to talk her out of her desperation, steering the conversation toward a more spiritually engaging pep talk—one based on years of pain, struggle, and learning to find joy even in the smallest of victories.
Years of life experience, tainted by decades of struggle, have taught me that setbacks are temporary and surmountable. Reflecting on the past and the difficulties we’ve overcome reinforces that truth.
We learn to practice self-compassion by being kind and patient with ourselves. Mistakes are a part of being human—at any age. We must find ways to celebrate our resilience and remember that somehow, in some way, we have touched lives and positively influenced others along the way.
As she listened intently while sipping mulberry tea, I reminded her that constantly pounding on herself over past failures won’t help. Instead, we must view these failures as opportunities for reflection and continued personal development. Even in our later years, these moments can bring renewed meaning and purpose. Acknowledge that the past has taught us valuable lessons. Sharing stories of how we’ve overcome adversity can inspire younger generations and deepen our own understanding and acceptance of failure.
In a world full of even bigger and more complicated challenges—ones that can make our own problems feel mundane and minuscule—it helps to engage in mindfulness and gratitude. These practices ground us and encourage emotional well-being.
No matter how small, our accomplishments and positive moments matter. In appreciating our journey, we foster a sense of completion and contentment that helps us view setbacks with a balanced perspective.
By embracing life’s imperfections and handling failures gracefully, we show others how to grow and maintain a positive outlook—even in the face of adversity.
Everything happens for a reason. We just need to keep an open mind and a heart full of love and forgiveness. Then, and only then, can we pat ourselves on the back and say with pride: we have lived, cried, laughed, struggled—and survived.
Love and light,
Iamempress22